Is Monogamy Bad for Men?

 Is monogamy bad for men?  Is monogamy bad for men? Are only a few men wired to be true to one woman? Really?! Do most married  men – even the ones who spoke their marriage vows with the utmost sincerity –  feel the urge to stray?…taken from a post published on

The passage from the epoch just ended (at least in the more developed part of the developed world) has meant the promise and reality of freedom for women in many spheres.

Once relieved of the theretofore strict and discriminatory marriage mores of yesteryear and empowered to have their own homes, cars, careers, professional accomplishments and the opportunity to sow without reaping (thanks to modern birth control); they now )especially the better educated among them) are freed up to be guided by the pursuit of romance and the farthest reaches of eternal bliss in their search for Mr. Right.

The only problem in this picture however, is that Mr. Right is doing himself and society a disservice by even attempting to walk the straight and narrow path of monogamy. this is because men, by and large,  just aren’t built for marital fidelity

“French psychologist/author Maryse Vaillant may be dishing some hard truths about men and fidelity that most women refuse to acknowledge. In a new controversial book titled “Men, Love, Fidelity,” the author says she’s aiming to “rehabilitate infidelity,” presumably by explaining why fidelity does not necessarily equate to love and why infidelity can actually be a sign of a healthy marriage.

She cites that 39 percent of French men cheat on their wives, but she claims it’s not what women think.  “[Most] don’t do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary,” she said. “They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable.” She contends that once women accept that the “pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural”, and that infidelity is essential to the “psychic functioning” of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be  “very liberating” for women.

READ  The Myth about Marriage

While most American women revere monogamous men as strong role models, Vaillant says they’re weak-minded. She reveres these men as  “pathological monogamists”  and says that in many cases they lack the strength of mind to take a mistress. “They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent … during their childhood. These men have a completely idealized view of their father and the paternal function.” She continued: “They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealized image of a man of duty.” She contends that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love.”

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