Is Monogamy Bad for Men?

bride and groom

Is monogamy bad for men?

Are only a few men wired to be true to one woman?

…taken from a post published on

Is monogamy bad for men? Really?! Do most married  men – even the ones who spoke their marriage vows with the utmost sincerity –  feel the urge to stray? Continue reading

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The Myth about Marriage

Bride'swedding shoes

Is there a myth about marriage?

by Garry Wills at the NYR Blog

Is there a myth about marriage?

Why do some people who would recognize gay civil unions oppose gay marriage? Certain religious groups want to deny gays the sacredness of what they take to be a sacrament. But marriage is no sacrament.

Marriage a fact of life, not religious dogma

Some of my fellow Catholics even think that “true marriage” was instituted by Christ. It wasn’t. Marriage is prescribed in Eden by YHWH (Yahweh) at Genesis 2.24: man and wife shall “become one flesh.” When Jesus is asked about marriage, he simply quotes that passage from Genesis (Mark 10.8). He nowhere claims to be laying a new foundation for a “Christian marriage” to replace the Yahwist institution.

Some try to make the wedding at Cana (John 1.1-11) somehow sacramental because Jesus worked his first miracle there. But that was clearly a Jewish wedding, like any other Jesus might have attended, and the miracle, by its superabundance of wine, is meant to show the disciples that the Messianic time has come. The great Johannine scholar Father Raymond Brown emphasizes this, and concludes of the passage: “Neither the external nor the internal evidence for a symbolic reference to matrimony is strong. The wedding is only the backdrop and occasion for the story, and the joining of the man and woman does not have any direct role in the narrative.”

Marriage as Christian sacrament not always the case

The early church had no specific rite for marriage. This was left up to the secular authorities of the Roman Empire, since marriage is a legal concern for the legitimacy of heirs. When the Empire became Christian under Constantine, Christian emperors continued the imperial control of marriage, as the Code of Justinian makes clear. When the Empire faltered in the West, church courts took up the role of legal adjudicator of valid marriages.

But there was still no special religious meaning to the institution. As the best scholar of sacramental history, Joseph Martos, puts it: “Before the eleventh century there was no such thing as a Christian wedding ceremony in the Latin church, and throughout the Middle Ages there was no single church ritual for solemnizing marriage between Christians.


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Virginia Highest in US for Black-White Marriage

Interracial wedding couple

Virginia ranks highest in U.S. for black-white marriage

By Denise M. Watson
The Virginian-Pilot
© March 17, 2012
Virginia ranks highest in U.S. for black-white marriage. When Andrew Bernard started chatting with Alissa Landry at the Bayside rec center where she worked, he didn’t notice her darker skin. He noticed that she was fun to talk to.

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Interracial Marriage for all Americans Pew Report

Interracial Marriage for all Americans Pew Report

The idea of interracial marriage for all Americans is catching on.

Marriage across racial and ethnic lines continues to be on the rise in the United States. The share of new marriages between spouses of a different race or ethnicity from each other increased to 15.1% in 2010, and the share of all current marriages that are either interracial or interethnic has reached an all-time high of 8.4%.

The upward trend of intermarriage is many decades old. In 1980, fewer than 7% of new marriages were intermarriages, less than half the share now. Among all marriages, the share of intermarriages in 1980 was about 3%.

Findings from a number of recent Pew research surveys show that just as intermarriage has become more common, public attitudes have become more accepting…

Read on at


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Is there such a thing as a Soul Mate

Is there such a thing as a soul mate?

If there is such a thing as a soul mate, should we assume that one is instantly recognized as such? Does the meeting of one’s soul mate resemble infatuation, which by its very nature precludes the depth and power of the attraction that makes meeting your soul-mate special and unique?! When individuals have learned to take heart  in and find personal power in their dreams of the good, the true and the beautiful – and have stayed on that path for a sufficient period of time with a sufficient degree of earnestness and strength of purpose – are they actually creating their own “lucky” encounter with their cosmically-ordained significant other? In other words, does true love come when we are truly ready?

In my opinion, the average “Jane” and “Joe” learning to live together with a sharing of their most sublime ideas and a sufficient dose of earthy realism can make the rarified reaches of soul-matedom realizable in this present life, for does not the spiritual satisfaction that comes with finding one’s mate at that level come only with the embrace of our relation to the world of the everyday and this good earth on which we live?


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Part 2 of interview with Karyn Langhorne Folan

Interracial Couple

                Interracial Couple

Following is part 2 of an interview with Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy”

interview with Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy”

Part 2
Journalist and Blogger at

You wrote, “Although black men married to white women certainly face their problems with acceptance in our race-conscious society, black women and their white spouses seem to face even greater disapproval.” I know some black male relatives and friends who would strongly disagree with you. Sometimes brothas get dirty looks from black women and other races.

Some of the black women that I interviewed have had some really tough times with family reaction, stranger reaction. People seem to feel more comfortable saying stuff directly to black women than they do to black men. I think it’s harder always for the woman in an interracial relationship. I think our society does tends to be much more forgiving and more accepting of men doing whatever because it’s a patriarchal society still. When a man grows up, picks his mate and moves on, well he’s “ a man.” But women are…always protected, somewhat, by their family’s relationship. So…when they make a choice of a partner outside of the race in particular, there’s that sort of “Well, does she really know what she’s doing?” Or “That could be a bad choice for her.”

Do you feel there’s more disdain in the black community toward women dating interracially, than men?

I don’t know if there’s necessarily more disdain. You’re right, there are a lot of black women who are really mad at black men who marry outside of the race. But some of those are the same women who are not in relationships right now. I think when women are in relationships and are happy they don’t care as much about what black men are doing or what anybody else is doing. So it just points to many for the need for us to all be looking more at our own state and our own relationship, who we’re cutting out and why.

There is such a high interest in this topic. You were even interviewed on Russia Today. There’s international interest in this issue?



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Meet Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of “Don’t Bring Home a White Boy”

Interracial Couple

            Interracial Couple

 Karyn Langhorne Folan

Interviewed by Jenee Darden
Journalist and Blogger at

Published in the Huffington Post on 04/08/10

Part 1
Recently I met a successful, Harvard Law educated black woman in her mid-40s. Now fill in the blank. She’s also ___ and ___. Did you guess single and lonely? Unfortunately, you may think that’s the answer judging by all of the news coverage on black women’s love lives. But author Karyn Langhorne Folan is happy and married. Her husband is white. In what some women feel is a black-male shortage (black women outnumber black men by 1.8 million), Folan encourages other black women to explore a new flavor of love in her book Don’t Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions that Keep Black Women from Dating Out.

“Don’t bring home a white boy” is a warning some black women hear once they reach a dating age (I was warned “don’t bring home a baby” when I started dating). It’s also an idea many black women are strongly sticking to. But black men, who were told growing up to “stay away from white girls,” are down with the swirl in higher numbers. U.S. Census data from 2006 reveals 3.7 percent of married black women compared to 8.4 percent of married black men have non-black spouses.


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Do you want to avoid a divorce?

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses

Divorce is messy. It can cost people their happiness, their health, their relationship with their children, their money and often their homes, cars and much else.
Here are some ways in which, Ms. Mhauli-Moses tells us, a marriage – that most delicate and fragile thing – can be saved:

“Anyone who has been married for at least five years and still has a healthy and functional marriage, if they are being honest, will tell you that they have had at least one rough patch, probably more. Best selling author, Laura Doyle, wrote a very controversial book years ago, based on her experience with her own marriage that had reached the “divorce-point”. By following six simple principles, outlined in the book, “The Surrendered Wife,” she was able to not only avoid a divorce, but she was also able to experience marriage in a much more joyful and peaceful way.

Please be warned; if you have some sort of aversion to “submission” (as a lot of modern women do), these principles may rub you the wrong way but, having read the book that these principles are based on, I can assure you that while there may be some seemingly similar points, it is not the same…”

For the rest of this article go to:

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On abortion, male-female relationships and America’s search for values

Rabbi and writer

Just as I was about to write a column praising Natalie Portman for attacking racist John Galliano, along comes Mike Huckabee to attack her as an unmarried-and-pregnant-negative-role-model. There’s a time for everything, Mike. And this was the wrong time. But before I respond to Mr. Huckabee — a man for whom I have much respect — let me first tell you why Ms. Portman elicited my praise.

Our world constantly excuses evil. The Hitlers and Stalins of this world are spoken of as ‘sick,’ as if they committed their evil out of delusion and mental illness. That’s how you now hear people speaking about Gaddafi — he’s a weirdo, he’s high as a kite — instead of calling him what he really is: evil and cruel to the core.

Over the past two weeks Hilary Clinton and President Obama have been saying that Muammar Gaddafi has ‘lost the legitimacy to rule,’ surely, the most painfully laughable phrase uttered by a Secretary of State and President of the United States in recent memory. Er… he only now lost the legitimacy to rule? And while he tortured and imprisoned political opponents for forty years and blew up airliners and discotheques he had legitimacy to rule?

read the rest of the article at:

to purchase “Renewal” by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach click on the link listed below:

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Dates from Hell

by Marcia Jedd for Happen Magazine

Want to feel more confident about your past dating blunders? Here are some of the worst dates women have experienced.

1. The discount doctor
Cecily, 38, met a physician at a holiday party. On the first date, he took her to a Japanese restaurant and paid for dinner using a two-for-one coupon. The second date, he took her to the same place… and once again, he used a coupon. “On our third date — which I probably shouldn’t have gone on, but he made me laugh — he conveniently forgot his wallet in his sports car,” recalls Cecily.

2. The guy that couldn’t go the distance
Rhonda, 20, was excited to rent a nice car to drive on her visit with her long-distance boyfriend on his birthday — especially since they hadn’t seen each other in two months. She accompanied him on errands, they saw what he referred to as a “strangler movie,” and later, during dinner at a nice restaurant, he admitted to infidelity and begged for her forgiveness. Rhonda obliged — and then he called the next day and broke things off with her anyway. “That was a total date from hell,” she says… and we agree.

3. The invisible third wheel
Susan, 39, went on a date with a man who couldn’t stop gushing about another woman. “He talked a lot about a lady friend of his, their emotional bond, and he even admitted the woman was married and lived in another country,” she recalls. In fact, he talked about this mystery woman the whole night, much to Susan’s dismay. “It was obvious he was more comfortable with his quasi-fantasy relationship with her than face-to-face dating with me.”

4. The well-suited suitor
Sarah, 33, was impressed when her date Phil told her how much his suit cost. “Later, we were at a nice restaurant when I reached over him to grab a napkin and accidentally spilled the entire glass of shrimp cocktail all over his chest and lap,” she admits, thoroughly embarrassed. Luckily, this one still had a happy ending: Phil did ask Sarah out again.

5. The man who needed no introductions
Mindy, 36, wasn’t excited to go on a second date with one guy. Unfortunately, her gut instincts about him were confirmed when they attended a barbecue together that was hosted by her friends. The two were surprised when they walked into the party and he knew most of the guests — including Mindy’s best friend, who had briefly dated him in the past. “I had too much information on him from my friend’s description of dating him before,” reveals Mindy.

read rest of article at
Marcia Jedd is a freelance writer based in Minneapolis.
Her web site is; and she can be contacted there about her writing and writing services

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