Buddhism and Relationships

Buddhism and Relationships“Buddhism and Relationships”….an association of two terms that are not often thought of in the sme breath!

With “The Four Noble Truths of Relationships,” Susan Piven has given us a fascinating look at  modern day relationships in the light of Buddhist scripture and thought. Check it out at “The Buddha a Film by David Grudin”  website

Four Noble Truths of Relationships

Relationships are deeply uncomfortable.

Whether it’s your first date or tenth anniversary, there is simply an enormous amount of discomfort involved in relationships. We’re afraid of being hurt, disappointed, overtaxed, ignored. The interesting part is that all these things happen. This is just the way it is, even in happy relationships.

The thing no one tells you is that it’s impossible to stabilize a relationship. Yes, I really mean those italics. Impossible. The emotional exchange between two people shifts like grains of sand in the desert: some days you can see forever and some days you just have to take cover because something kicked up out of nowhere and now shit is flying all over the place. You can’t see two feet in front of you and it stings. On still other occasions, imperceptible winds cause little piles to slowly accumulate until, one day, a familiar path is altogether blocked. You just can’t tell what’s going to happen. And just like hiking in the desert, you have to be as absorbed in the present moment as you are attuned to atmospheric indicators. Woe to she whose attention to either lapses.

The bad news is you never get to where you thought you were going. You get somewhere else instead. The good news is that there’s basically no way to have a boring relationship.

Discomfort comes from trying to make the relationship comfortable.

At the root of the discomfort is the wish that it wouldn’t be uncomfortable, that we could eventually find the “right” person and relax. But the truth is that when you do find the (or a) right person, it’s anything but relaxing: your neuroses, their neuroses, and all the hopes and fears you’ve ever had about love flood your situation. Whether you bargained for it or not, you get introduced to your deepest self while someone else is trying to introduce you to their deepest self. It can get very confusing. But instead of wasting time trying to make it not confusing, better to dive right in and be really nice to each other as you consider the root of your own and his/her confusion. (Acting nice to each other in the midst of confusion is love. Shhh.) (PS Acting nice doesn’t always mean being all sweet and demure. But I digress.)

It’s the inability to create safety that plots the path to love.

True love seems to exist on some mysterious edge of its own. It can’t be controlled and when you try, it calcifies. To keep it alive, at some point you just have to let go and see what happens.

When you work with all this nuttiness, love becomes more than mere romance. It turns into something way better: intimacy. Romance has got to end, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. But intimacy? It has no end. You can’t be, “oh, intimacy, we’ve done that. What comes next?” Nothing comes next. That’s it. Discuss.

It is possible to work with the uncertainty skillfully.

Instead of flinging yourself kamikaze-like into the flame of love, you can train in working with the heat. As with anything you consider important (or life-threatening, for that matter), you don’t want to just show up and hope for the best. You want to play the odds.

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Three Books About The New Cold War

Cold War

New Cold War?

The London Review of Books

Vol. 39 No. 5 · 2 March 2017

Eat Your Spinach by
Tony Wood

  • Return to Cold War by Robert Legvold
  • Polity, 208 pp, £14.99, February 2016, ISBN 978 1 5095 0189 2
  • Should We Fear Russia? by Dmitri Trenin
  • Polity, 144 pp, £9.99, November 2016, ISBN 978 1 5095 1091 7
  • Who Lost Russia? How the World Entered a New Cold War by Peter Conradi
  • Oneworld, 384 pp, £18.99, February, ISBN 978 1 78607 041 8

Not since the days of Ronald Reagan has Russia played such a prominent role in US political life. After Donald Trump’s shock victory – greeted in the Russian parliament with cheers and champagne – came accusations of Russian meddling in the US electoral process, followed in January by the leak of a dossier claiming that the Russian authorities had accumulated (even more) compromising information on Trump. More recently there have been alarms over the Kremlin’s connections with and possible influence on the incoming secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, and Trump’s now ex-national security adviser, Michael Flynn. The rhetoric emanating from US politicians and media commentators too seems to be drawn from another era. In November, a murky online group called PropOrNot went full McCarthy by releasing ‘The List’, designed to name and shame – or indeed casually smear – websites which it believes ‘reliably echo Russian propaganda’. In January, Fox News rolled back the years by announcing that there was ‘no Soviet source’ for the DNC leaks, and the title of a piece in the New York Review of Books – though it was soon corrected to reflect events since 1991 asked: ‘Was Snowden a Soviet Agent?’ The Russian official media, in their turn, have been producing waves of anti-Western rhetoric for a few years now, but the Ukraine crisis and the sanctions put in place by the US, Canada and the EU sent them to fevered new heights. Continue reading

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Authors’ Super URLs and Amazon Links



Originally published on www.gwendolynkiste.com as “How Writers Ruin their Amazon Links Yes You Probably Do It Too.”
What is the connection between authors’ super URLs and Amazon links?
Thank you Gwendolyn Kiste for this amazingly useful tutorial on how to “tweak” your Amazon link for better results for your publicity, book sales and standing with Amazon. Continue reading

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Under the Affluence by Tim Wise

Under the Affluence


 “Under the Affluence: Shaming the Poor, Praising the Rich and Sacrificing the Future of America” by Tim Wise-
from timwise.org

“Tim Wise is one of the great public moralists in America today. In his bracing new book, Under the Affluence, he brilliantly engages the roots and ramifications of radical inequality in our nation, carefully detailing the heartless war against the poor and the swooning addiction to the rich that exposes the moral sickness at the heart of our culture. Continue reading

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Easter Uprising 1916 and Henry James


Easter Uprising 1916 and Henry James

 Easter Uprising 1916 and Henry James is excerpted from On Ireland, the Easter Uprising and Henry James’ “The Princess Casamassim” – the London Review of Books

About the London Review of Books

Since 1979, the London Review of Books has stood up for the tradition of the literary and intellectual essay in English. Each issue contains up to 15 long reviews and essays by academics, writers and journalists. There are also shorter art and film reviews, as well as poems and a lively letters page. Continue reading

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Who is Bell Hooks?


bell hooks

Who is Bell Hooks?

The following biography of Bell Hooks is taken from The European Graduate School / “Bell Hooks, is an American social activist, feminist and author. She was born on September 25, 1952. Bell Hooks is the nom de plume for Gloria Jean Watkins. Bell Hooks examines the multiple networks that connect gender, race, and class. Continue reading

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48 Laws of Power

Author Robert Greene

Author Robert Greene

48 Laws of Power

by Robert Greene

48 Laws of Power was the first book by the author of The Art of Seduction.

1998 (Viking Press) (HC); 2007 (HighBridge Audio) CD,ISBN 0-670-88146-5 (HC); 978-1-59887-092-3 (CD), 452 pp. Self Help.

Trashed by some and cherished by others, it8 Laws of Power was an immediate best seller,at 1.2 million copies.It was a big hit in prison libraries and among music promoters and stars. Rumor has it that Fidel Castro was also a fan of the book. Continue reading

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Review of Java Concepts 4th Ed. by Wiley Publishing

java script


Review of Java Script Concepts 4th Edition

By David Hsu

Wiley presents us with an intro to Java that presents its core concepts in a comprehensive way.; Its author, Cay Horstmann, teaches at San Jose State University. I used it as textbook for my college courses and am happy to have discovered that his book has greatly aided the writing of my Java tutorial. Consisting of  902 pages divided into 19 chapters, Review of Java Concepts is both well-organized and beginner-friendly.
Continue reading

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